Back from the edge of the world . . .

And . . . I’ve fallen off the face of the Earth, again. I think this is the biggest reason I don’t stick to anything—I tend to fall off the face of the earth. Life gets too hectic, or I just don’t have anything I want to report. (Meaning my success rate is non-existent). Of course, this is meant to be about the path and progress and if I don’t update, well . . . then it’s impossible to say what has an hasn’t worked. So, I’m going to force myself to report—even when I’m not happy with what I’ve got to say. So far, not so good. Diet has been mostly stalled—with little weight loss (around 21bs—not terrible, but not great). This is mostly because I have not engaged in a focussed effort or exercise regime. I hate the word regime. It sounds so . . . calculating and menacing. Regime. Hmm . . . Ok, in the spirit of being honest and changing things up I’m going to make a promise. I’m going to update on here twice a week (at least) and I’m going to post my goals. This should—hopefully mean that I actually stick to things this time. So, my goals are simple (for now). Three days or proper exercise sessions a week for the rest of April (I will be increasing this as I go along, but given the *ahem* lack of fitness I’d rather not push too hard to start) and a more balanced diet not to exceed 1600 calories a day. So, that’s where I’m at. We’re having the most amazing sunny spell in London—I’m going to be taking advantage of that!

When Holidays Attack . . .

A very Happy St Paddy's Day!

Second, here's a little explanation about where I've been and what I've been up to . . .

So, I've started a blog all about dieting a week or so before I go on holiday. Yes, not my most brilliant plan. I got back from a much needed long weekend with my husband on Tuesday and am astonished by how poorly I've stuck to my resolve. Too much food, wine and shopping was had . . . but then, that's kind of what holidays are for. So, rather than beat myself up about it too much I've decided that this week is my 'back to reality' week. Where I return to my healthier resolutions and endeavour to be firmly back on track by Monday.

No, I'm not procrastinating (ok, maybe I am) but I'm firmly aware that I need to be back on track. However, even with the dieting not going to plan a few other things have.

First, I read a really interesting YA sequel to Dracula called Bloodline. Much like Dracula, Bloodline is a novel told in letters and diary entries. It's meant to be the next generation on from where the story ended-- so it takes place in World War I Europe (from the trenches to Transylvania). I'm not going to lie, I didn't have high hopes for this novel. The concept really intrigued me, but I'm a bit tired of vampires. I'm ready for something new (maybe dystopias?). However, Bloodline is worth reading. These are bad vampires. They aren't loveable and the heroine is properly feisty, wary and brave. The novel does try to be of its time (circa World War I) but it is also quite contemporary and reads easily. It's definitely worth a read-- especially for anyone who's tired of vampire romances (though, are there people tired of them? surely there must be!). I'm told there is a sequel, Reckoning, wherein one of the vampires tries his hand at redemption . . . Frankly, I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I'll let you know when/if I pick up the next book. Currently I am on a no book buying ban which will last until the 14th May. Yes, I'm hilarious like that.

And secondly, my writing if finally back on track. Big woot! I had a really unproductive February and now, its all things go! So, I'm looking forward to next week when I know they'll be more progress on all fronts.

Self-Compassion Whodathunk it?

This is a fascinating article about self compassion and weight loss.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/02/28/go-easy-on-yourself-a-new-wave-of-research-urges/

I have to say-- I find it very easy to be compassionate towards other people-- sometimes to a fault, but towards myself, I only see negatives: you don't exercise enough, get enough done, write enough, work too much, etc. I always feel that I'm letting myself (and usually others) down. However, when someone else lets me down, has a bad day, snaps at me, I usually think--They are having a tough time, I won't take this personally. They need a bit of extra support, I'll make sure I try to lighten their load, etc .

Even though, as the husband usually tells me after I recount the event, a lot of times people did deserve me saying, "Um, yeah, can you take your foul attitude away from me? Thanks. I'm just trying to breathe here." I think, as the article suggests, I need to apply this trait to myself as well. It might sound simple, but it's really not. I don't ask for help often-- I don't like needing someone else to help me. This always leads to working late hours and then not making the time to do what I want to (I'm too tired, it's too late, I need to decompress-- the list of excuses goes on and on.)

So, I've made a rather radical conclusion-- I'm going to give up on giving up on myself. Ok, so this week has been decent so far-- not great, not terrible. Work has been manic causing me to not have enough time during the work week to squeeze in exercise, I'm not going to feel too terrible-- I'll get in a swim and possibly a run this weekend. Rather than feel bad about what I can't do, I'm going to feel good about what I can do. Focus on my new and healthier diet and try to slip in some sneaky exercise (long walks, taking the stairs, etc). Make a proactive plan for next week-- how can I lighten my workload so that I can get more exercise in? I'm going to be on this TTD Liberation experience for a while, I might as well enjoy it!

Day One: Charity Cake Sale

Ah, the pitfalls of being an American in a British Office. At both of the UK offices I’ve worked at Cake Sales for Charity (Charity Bake Sale for my US friends and family) have been a major part of office culture—and something to get very excited about. Usually timed to coincide with a tea break, it’s lovely. Americans—think morning donuts and coffee to celebrate someone’s birthday.

I’ve decided to work on a calorie counting principle (this is what Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers do—so most foods would be allowed, as long as you had enough daily calories to eat said food). Of course, the point of this is to say—really there are X amount of calories in X, well, I won’t be having that anymore. It’s all about portion control and eating a better diet and getting more exercise. Simple, in theory—but much harder to execute.

Of course, we just so happen to be having a Charity Cake Sale on the first day of my new: Tight T-shirt Diet (TTD for short). So, I’m sitting at my desk—trying my best to be good, when a lovely and slim coworker says:

“Charity cakes don’t have any calories.”

(I assure you, they do.)

“It would be wrong NOT to buy a cake for Charity.”

(True, but it would be wrong to buy a cake when you’ve given up buying cakes for health reasons—oh, and on DAY ONE of a new diet!)

“Why won’t you buy a cake for charity? That’s hard-hearted, Jenni.”

(I’m happy to give the charity up to £5.00—I’m a publishing minion, this is my lunch budget for the day! I’m just not happy about having a piece of cake on DAY ONE for the new diet.)

My reply: "I’m happy to give money to the charity tin—I just, don’t really need any more cake. I clearly eat far too much."

Sympathetic clucking of tongue and head tilt. “Then what’s one more cake—for charity?”

Headdesk! Of course, one more cake would mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. I will be doing this for a while so there will be treats and there will be slip ups, but I feel strongly that Day One needs to go, well as I mean to go on. So, no cake—even though it’s all over the office. I have donated to the charity, but this week, I’ve been good. Next week is my husband’s birthday—I’m saving my cake for then!

An Experiment in Liberation

Welcome to my experiment. It’s not really a novel one. I’m not certain it will be a good one. But, I think the idea of progress (or the illusion of it) might be worth a try. So, here goes. I have a rather tight t-shirt. I will admit that when I bought said t-shirt I thought hmmm . . . if I lose just a little weight this might look slamming on me. I have yet to lose a little weight. Said shirt does not look slamming on me—I look rather like a sausage in it. To be honest, at the moment, I’m looking rather sausage like in most of my clothes.

Which then got me to thinking . . .

What if I went on a diet—but not just a diet (I don’t think the d-word really works) but a lifestyle change. That phrase sounds much more romantic and somehow more pragmatic. Something I could actually do and keep up consistently. Oh yes, that is day one optimism talking.

Would I actually be able to fit into my tight t-shirt? At the moment, the t-shirt is so tight it is relegated to being worn only at bed—and even then, I only wear it because I’d feel like I wasted my money if I didn’t at least try to get some use out of it.

So, here is my goal—and perhaps the goal of this blog—to unleash the tight t-shirt upon the world. What that means is that I will attempt to change my life enough to fit into said tight t-shirt (which will be posted at a later date) and one day return the shirt from the relative captivity of my bedroom to the actual wild of the real world . . . As I’ve actually got quite an ahem *hefty* amount of weight to shift, once I am able to fit into this t-shirt, I’ll pick up another smaller *gasp* t-shirt and continue the process. Until I reach what I feel to be a healthy weight.

So, this is the journey. They’ll be much laughing, much tears, moaning as I try to fall in love with exercise-- or at least in like with exercise, probably a fair bit of chat about what I’m reading (I work in publishing so I read a lot) and possibly what I’m writing (if I'm feeling brave). What do you think? Will you join me on my quest to liberate the tight t-shirts of the world (or the UK)?